All this fluff aside, I quote ShardofTruth: "...why [is] this [being] made so complicated for ENX[?] We have a policy, he acted accordingly, so a bureaucrat should restore his rights, end of story." I am not "being so desperate to get admin rights." I agree that a regular who decides being an admin would be cool, thus starts begging for the rights, should not have them. But that is not the case with me. I am merely stating that I have done as the policy stated, and I was asked on the IRC to make this forum. That is all. The only reason I have argued with people in the past is simply because we disagree. About a lot of things. Personalities clash. Sometimes it cannot be helped. In terms of "sounding eager," this is not about trying to do everything in my power to ensure my rights' return. Not at all. It's just that this forum is unnecessary in the first place, given the policy and the requirements I've met, and when the forum died, knowing how this community feels about me, I just knew the that we would pretend it didn't exist and let it gather dust. Because this concerns me, I have a right to want to know what's going on.
I honestly think, based on how everyone in this community treats me (people often seem to fail to see their own faults against me, it seems, hence our conflicts; everyone here is so self-righteous in one way or another, myself included), if I were anyone other than myself, then I would have had my rights back, having met the policy's requirements, by the time the roundtable ended, instead of having to go through this forum nonsense. I fail to see how this is anything other than singling out a person, targeting said individual because he is disliked overall for one reason or another, and going out of one's way to unnecessarily make his life more difficult. It is this kind of hostility (intended or not, and how I see it, anyways...) that actually encourages my inactivity. In fact, if I recall correctly, I was never even warned, as per the policy, when my rights were about to be taken away. I just logged in here at one point to find I was no longer an administrator...
I do not think it is fair of you to judge a "change in attitude" when you have barely even looked for one. Rome wasn't built in a day, nor can a person completely change to please a community that is generally against him for whatever reason in one. That being said, I do not have animosity towards ANYONE on this Wiki. Sure, there are people I may not enjoy talking to simply because of how our conversations have faired in the past, but I have made every effort (personal messages, et cetera) to try to amend things with these people one-on-one, and all I get is the cold shoulder. I cannot show any change when people refuse to give me the chance, let alone actually look for said change.
To understand my "problem," Neumannz, I encourage you to do some research on OCD. I do not expect you to care about me, my life, or anything of that nature. But understand that because of STUPID GENETICS, something I have no control over, I have never been good in social situations, and I guess that means the Wiki. I do take things personally and am easy to anger, but that is not my fault, as much as I try to keep things under control. What this community needs to understand is I try my best every day to "keep cool," et cetera. It is HOW someone approaches me with an issue that determines my response. For instance, someone saying "I don't think the image should go there...let me kindly help you understand why," is a LOT different than what everyone here keeps giving me, the typical "I'm right because I am, and you're wrong because A, B, C. Have a nice day, not that I care if you do or not."
So you ask me to act in a way that I do not have the ability to based on OTHER PEOPLE's behavior, not just my own. Ask anyone on this Wiki I have ever been foolish enough to call a "friend" in the past: Xion4ever, Troisnyxetienne, NinjaSheik...these three in particular are the Wikians I find myself closest to, the ones who see the "real me" people like you and Kryten do not often get to witness simply by your own choosing. They know how to interact with me. They know how to have a civil conversation with me, even if it concerns a Wiki issue. My "lip service" (which was not, I assure you) was purely a request from my heart of hearts to the people here to just "grin and bear it." I cannot control my anxiety disorder, or how it makes me treat others, or how interactions with others have shaped me as an individual. To hold all that against me, all those factors I had no say in, is just not fair. It is cruel. I am only asking that if we are to put our differences aside, that this Wiki's community take the extra effort to understand what I am going through, to see a side they did not know of before, and perhaps have some questions as to why I have behaved the way I have in the past answered.
Of course I would not abuse my "powers." I never did before, so why would I now? To answer RTB's question, I would "use these powers" the way any admin should: to delete what needs to be deleted, move what needs to be moved, and protect the Wiki when it needs protecting. I can't tell you how many times I've been the only one online, been going through the recent changes, and seen a ton of poorly-made edits in need of rollback, thus I've been unable to do it. Or how many images that have been in need of deletion, but I have been unable to assist in any way. This Wiki did an excellent job of making me feel like I wasn't wanted, respected, et cetera. I constantly felt antagonized, like I was an administrator upon the formation of SEIWA simply to fill a slot. My opinions had no more merit, nor should they, but it was obvious who wanted to side with who, and for the most crazy reasons.
