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| :::I don’t know why I’m here anymore. I don’t know why I’m doing this. I really don’t even see a point. What am I trying to accomplish by continuing to be here? If I stay, people hate me. I don’t accomplish anything. If I do nothing, nothing changes. Things are constant. People continue in their ways of thinking. And if I leave? Perhaps that is my escape. But how selfish of me. Could I? I don’t know.
| | tee hee. it's been an awfully long time, hasn't it? |
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| :::I’m lost. So, so lost. I’m so confused; maybe I don’t even know why I continue this silly routine. Perhaps I want to know. Answers, yes, those would be nice. I would be lying if I said that dissecting my purpose in staying in the position of leadership I have here wouldn’t bring me some satisfaction. So, let us go.
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| :::Let’s explore the abyss of loneliness and confusion.
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| '''I. Purpose'''
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| :::I used to be productive. I used to make hundreds of edits a day. But no, those days have gone. Those days have gone and are never going to come back! I’m an admin. I’m an admin because I’ve done enough work to be considered a hard worker for the wiki. But that’ just it, I’m not! I don’t help the wiki! I hardly edit, I hardly contribute, I hardly even check in anymore!
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| :::So why am I still here? Is it so that I can give an opinion on every twentieth or fortieth forum thread? Is it so I can be pestered to do work on the IRC that I inevitably will not do? Is it so that I can continue to feel the guilt of being a non-retired admin whilst hardly doing any work for this wiki? I don’t know. Maybe?
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| :::Sometimes this really gets to me. Sometimes it bothers me, really bad. This can get to me enough, in fact, to where I go on rapid editing sprees across many articles. I gnome away, working simply to fill a cache in the recent changes. This is disgusting. I cannot fill a purpose that I know is defined by an era of my activity that lays in the distant past, years and years in the past.
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| :::This cannot be it, though. Perhaps, gradually, this is a sign of me losing my connection with the wiki. I can’t say I’m excited for KH3D. I don’t even plan on getting it. I bought an entire PSP just to play BBS, and I would never do that again with a 3DS. I don’t check KHInsider anymore. I don’t update the news anymore. Maybe Kingdom Hearts itself is with my dedication to its encyclopedia: archaic.
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| :::Still, this is gradual. The change of heart I’m feeling now is sudden. It’s not the result of some effect that has been very long and prominent over a great stretch of time. However, I feel like I don’t have a purpose. If I stay here, the wiki gets a few more gnome edits from me. There will always be gnomes though, as many as there are potential vandals.
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| :::Something else, then. But what?
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| '''II. Dedication'''
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| :::I don’t have it. I used to have it, and now I don’t. What am I dedicated towards? Hmmm, let’s see. College, scholarships, music performance, literature. I don’t have the time anymore to squeeze editing into my daily schedule, or hardly my weekly schedule. Even just idling on the IRC has proven to be a distraction. I quite honestly have to get off of ChatZilla for several days if I need to focus on several projects at once.
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| :::There are new people coming in with dedication. There are forums just for speculation on the upcoming 3DS game, those alone show me that editors care about this place and the series. The wiki is still in good ha—
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| :::…
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| :::What am I saying? Okay, these two sections are pointless monologuing. Let’s get to the meat of things.
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| '''III. “DTN Hate Club”'''
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| :::You never died, did you? Even after you forced me out of this wiki before, this metaphorical coalition of users still loves to gather around the campfire, roast marshmallows, and talk about how much they despise DoorToNothing. God, we hate him. I so hope he loses his adminship. I hate the way he runs this place.
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| :::http://pastebin.com/NyJkAU1j
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| :::That is a URL I will be referencing for probably the rest of this section. I will not use a professional referencing system because I think that’s dumb and I don’t want to.
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| :::How sad is it that a community claiming to be working together to not only create an encyclopedia, but also to facilitate fandom and friendship among fans and editors will so publically crucify someone behind their back? How disgusting. A community that I have belonged to for long is perhaps the greatest hypocrite of all, then, in that the discussions they host which represent their wiki go against their very mission. An encyclopedia will never be created this way. Heck, a community will never even be united this way! How can you expect to do anything with such mud-slinging, friendly fire, and abuse in the community, with nothing done about it? I must say, as an admin and channel operator who technically isn’t supposed to see all of the logs I receive from the “DTN Hate Club”, I feel it to be unethical and just as immoral as the community to take action myself against a personal attack against yours truly.
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| :::Is this a community I shall involve myself in any longer? No. Never again. For the rest of this discussion, let’s look at some individual examples.
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| :::::• [22:19:40] <maggosh> And I think I speak for all of us when I say, a demotion for DTN would be the greatest Christmas/Hanukkah/whatever present of them all.
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| :::What a wonderful thesis topic to a discussion to slander my name as an admin. We will discuss maggosh, perhaps the President of this coalition, along with several other editors, in a later section. I think it’s just great that the community’s hatred for me is so grand that it can even be casually coupled with a diction fit for the holidays! Merry Christmas, DTN Hate Club! Happy Hanukkah, Door Decimators! A great Kwanza to you, united DTN abhorrers of the world!
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| :::But seriously, ya’ll, maggosh loathes me. I can’t even keep myself from beginning to discuss how obvious his detesting of me is and how public he makes it. Also, yes, I just used “ya’ll.” Sue me.
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| :::::• [22:20:14] <Dark-EnigmaXIII> ... I kinda agree with maggosh... no offense to anyone
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| :::::• [22:21:17] <Dark-EnigmaXIII> If we're getting new staff from scratch, he just hope he is not re-elected
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| :::::• [22:21:25] <Dark-EnigmaXIII> *I just hope
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| :::::• [22:21:46] <Sox|Simba> i agree with DE. i dont like DTN's management style or his treatment of users, .net or otherwise
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| :::::• [22:21:52] <Dark-EnigmaXIII> ^
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| :::Everyone is going to love this next part because I’m going to literally throw the entire focus of the KHWiki.net and KHWikia into a chaos if I’m successful. Fingers crossed guys!
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| :::These are them! THESE are the leaders of the larger community! THESE two are the ones who are going to have the greatest influence on the combined community! THESE two, the ones who so publically will slander a member of the collective staff! THESE two, the ones who will preach for fairness and against bullying terms such as “WikiPrincesses,” yet so openly will deface another user without thought or hesitation! YOU WANT THEM TO BE LEADERS? You want slanderous, mud-slinging users who show signs of a freeness and will to easily deface and talk down to other users to be the prime examples and symbols of the already broken community? HAH! I cannot help but literally LAUGH at the lack of BASIC LOGIC AND CHARACTER involved in this! Hah! Haha!
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| :::How disgusting. How pitiful, you two. The sheer fact that your communities who you quite possibly defaced yourselves would willingly appoint you as their leaders only to see this is the most beautiful irony. Not only didn’t that, but the wiki you were elected to lead even need to focus on the encyclopedic content as it did about the inter-user relations and fans! Clearly, you care EVER SO MUCH about this. EVER, EVER SO MUCH.
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| :::I, DoorToNothing, administrator of the Kingdom Hearts Wiki and hated outcast of both communities, sincerely declare my absolute disapproval of either of these two users continuing to possess leadership positions, especially in a community merge.
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| '''IV. Individuals'''
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| :::In case it is not clear by now, this is my declaration of leaving forever. I will never edit this wiki again after this and God willing, I will never look at either website with these two eyes during my lifetime again. However, during my time spent with the KHWiki over the past three years, I’ve met many individuals. Hundreds of people, perhaps even thousands. I have interacted with the trolls, the admins, the gnomes, and the vandals. Want to know a secret?
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| :::If you’re reading this, I probably hate you.
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| :::I loathe so many, many people I have met on this wiki. Isn’t that sad? Perhaps being on the same wiki with some of the same people for three years has made me a very critical person. Wikis do that to you; they train you to be precise and detail-oriented, as well as extremely critical.
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| :::However, a couple of especially pretentious jerks have stood out in these years of my life as particularly terrible people. I think it’s time now that I give my full opinion on these individuals now, because I refuse to leave in silence. You all hate me, of those listed below, and I will never forgive you. You have skewed forums I have created, publically defaced me, given me false apologies and promises of kindness. I hate you all. I hate every single one of you and you shall never receive any acceptance from me for the way you have treated and abused me.
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| :::::1. Maggosh.
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| :::Maggosh, I’m going to be blunt. You are an idiot. You are perhaps even more oblivious than I am in that you honestly thought that I didn’t know that you hated you. Pathetic is what you are, hiding in the community that is a home to your hatred because you don’t have even the mealiest ounce of courage to face me, even in a PM at least! Any time we ever have had a “heart-to-heart” moment, a few things have held true. Firstly, I had to gently coax an apologetic response out of you because you could never have the kindness to do it yourself. Secondly, you were a disgustingly pitiful liar. Every time you said you were sorry, every time you apologized, every time you said you wouldn’t do it again, you did. You are pitiful. How disgusting is a life form one when they cannot even complete the simple task of making a truthful statement after so many tries?
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| :::I’ve known you hated me. I know you still loathe me. The fact that you will try to steer forum threads I create into directions that are completely auxiliary is childish and immature. I think it’s rather comical, in fact, that this is how our relationship will end: my revelation. Checkmate, I’ve known. The efforts you’ve made to lie, sneak, and cheat our relationship was nothingness. A truly empty, blank fallacy. I’ve known maggosh. You will never trick me or anyone else again. Insolent worm.
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| :::::2. EternalNothingnessXIII; ENX.
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| :::You’ve all been waiting for this, so here we go. This is it. The revelation that you have all been waiting for is finally here. For as long as I can remember, the community has always noticed a conflict between ENX and me. I never intended for this to be spawned and never did anything to intentionally escalate it, aside from perhaps typing up this marvelous composition.
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| :::There are logs, everywhere, ENX. You can deny it all you want, but do not be as pathetic as maggosh was and is. I’ve seen them. All your declarations of hatred for me, my ways of conducting myself and the wiki, and my ascension to staffhood. I’ve had a somewhat secret source of IRC logs set up for some time now so I could see everything that was happening, even whilst I was away. Pretty clever, aye? It made arguing with you over how you “truly do not have any distaste for me” even that much more hilarious and comical. Quite a con and card you are, aren’t you?
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| :::I still don’t know why you hate me. I honestly think it’s a childish rivalry of sorts. Are you still hooked on that one staff election from perhaps two years ago, when I became a moderator? OH, BROTHER! Don’t flatter me with those thoughts, it’s disgustingly pitiful that could even still remember that enough to let it affect you.
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| :::For some reason, I think that you thought if you posted things in the IRC when I wasn’t around, it would magically make things better. Clearly telling the community that you hate me is going to make things better! CLEARLY! I have not much to say to you but this, ENX: grow up. The world doesn’t give you people to gossip to about others. You think that solved anything? No. You’re pathetic, and I loathe your immaturity to sink so low as to think that slandering me and saying that you are deserving of positions I received would solve anything. How disgusting.
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| :::As sad as it is, ENX, I might even miss you, only because I know that you have very publically stated how elated you were when I “left the wiki” some time ago. It is a shame to me that by leaving you receive some kind of victorious happiness from this. Guess what? Don’t. I’ve known you’ve hated me and have always regarded you as a child, and nothing more. A child who knows not how to solve his problems but by finding a mommy to run to and tell everyone about what an evil admin that nasty DoorToNothing is.
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| :::I hope you grow up. I hope you learn one way or another, that this will never earn you anything in life. Not a penny, not a position, not a rank, and not a friend. Ta-ta.
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| '''V. Martyrship'''
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| :::I think that classifying myself as a martyr for the below reasoning is rather pitiful and lowly, too much for myself. Instead, I’m going to say it’s only one of many reasons why I’m flying the coop. Perhaps if I leave, then I can remove the one thing everyone hates: myself. KHWikia’s admins disapprove of me, as do those from KHWiki. If I can remove myself, then that’s one less problem to deal with. Then, perhaps KHWikia, a site I’m sure is infested with members of the “DTN Hate Club,” will not worry so much about uniting with KHWiki.net. Perhaps by typing all of this, I can reveal the evils of both communities, and how broken we are, how disgustingly hateful we all are.
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| :::We all love to hate each other. It’s drama, we crave it. We crave the excitement of having an enemy to battle with, and we are all evil people for having that attitude. I ask every one of you to stop this childishly disgusting attitude the moment you finish reading the upcoming ending of this essay of sorts. KHWikia is broken. KHWiki.net is broken. Both communities hate each other publically and do nothing to fix it. The Heartless Manufactory does not operate and does nothing to solve inter-user relations. KHWikia, I cannot speak from experience, but from the logs I have received from your channels, you are hardly any better than KHWiki.net is in this area.
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| :::Fix yourselves, or this merging will bring you both down in ashes. Even though the encyclopedia was created by a community built out of a hateful, loathing community, I would hate to see it die as a result of that. Save yourselves, in debt to all of those who worked on this place. Over five years of fans, editors, and users have passed through this place—and we all have hated each other.
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| :::::Redefine your future.
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| :::::Save the merging.
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| :::::Save the wiki.
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| :::::For God’s sake… Save yourselves.
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| '''VI. Hypocrisy'''
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| :::I’m the biggest hypocrite of all, and I know it. By publishing this and leaving forever, I am a coward, and I am hateful. Perhaps by being the first to admit that, I can start a revolution.
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| :::More importantly, though, yes: I’m a hypocrite. Most importantly, though, I don’t care. These are my opinions on this place and my experiences with the community. Now you know. My publication of this composition is the antithesis of that which I preach against, and yet it had to be done.
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| '''VII. Conclusion'''
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| :::That is the end. I have removed me e-mail addresses from Wikia and KHWiki.net. I will no longer monitor a watchlist or edit KHWiki.net or KHWikia. More importantly, however, I will never edit a single page on either wiki again in my life. I also shall never visit either site again as long as I live. I will delete any e-mails I receive from an address I do not know explicitly. If you try to contact me on the IRC, good luck. My nick has changed and you will be swiftly ignored. I will not read any replies to this essay. If you try to send messages through my close online friends, you disgust me, and they will not send them to me. Formspring questions mentioning me will not be read, answered, or acknowledged. Any further attempts to contact me beyond those aforementioned shall be thwarted by me personally.
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| :::This is the end.
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| :::::You will never hear from me again.
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| :::::::Do not try to contact me. You will not succeed.
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| ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::Good bye.
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